News reviews and hot takes you can pawn off as your own

National Day of Hateful Words

The Feds appear to have organized another high-profile march to stoke the coals of racism in America.

“US JEWS ON ALERT” the headlines rang, ” Jews on alert “as white supremacists plan antisemitic ‘day of hate’ Saturday.”

“[E]xpose the international clique of PARASITIC VERMIN that infest our nation,” the alleged propaganda said.

Turns out the conspiracy theorists were wrong. The Feds didn’t plan this as some sort of “false flag” event. The Racists did, as a massive troll, to prove that you can hate people without committing random acts of heinous violence against them.

And there were layers to this troll. Unlike in Ferguson, where “BURN THIS BITCH DOWN” was a directive quickly followed by arson, when Whites yell “FUCK THE JEWS,” other White people stand in solidarity with the Jews.

The headlines were…unexpected:

• “Planned antisemitic ‘day of hate’ instead becomes day of unity, defiance for US Jews”
• “Shabbat passes peacefully despite ‘Day of Hate’”
• “New York City faith leaders counter extremist ‘day of hate’ with ‘day of resolve’”

Bon Voyage, Coconut Kitty

OnlyFans star “Coconut Kitty” took her own (apparently ninth) life after being accusing of catfishing young girls with “business opportunities” and “grooming minors” with her digitally altered “art.”

Congratulations, you played yourself too.

Beloved Ann

On Tim Pool’s podcast (technically last week, but holding its own in the memory bank this week), Ann Coulter delivered her usual dose of erudite political elucidations–on building a wall, replacing Narcan with bear spray, cleaning out the litter box of lies that proved to be Donald Trump’s presidency in favor of DeSantis in ’24, etc.

What will stick in your mind is her interaction with Ian Crossland over Saddam Hussein and his sadistic, murderous kids. Ian says he bets Saddam, at the end of his life, regretted not spending more time with his sons.

Coulter was absolutely floored by the comment, the genuine innocence of a man empathizing over a hypothetical regret from a dying dictator who at some level, we forget, was also just a father.

Don’t watch the video. Just listen. She literally swoons, to the point that everyone else in the room thinks for a moment she’s mocking Ian. She is not. It’s one of the greatest moments in the history of podcasting.

The Rhetorical Equalizer

It’s a tale as old as time: Ignorant bigot confronts peaceful interracial couple on the street, video goes viral, Black celebrities regret not being there so they could yell “I finna go to JAIL tonight!”

In the most recent episode, a White guy literally White Knighted the couple, benevolently confronting the race preacher on their behalf, and just before fists start-a-flyin’, preacher man shoots an EMP that forces everyone to walk away.

He says, “Name me a Black country that you would move to.”

Keep this in your back pocket next time you want to stop a fast food restaurant brawl.

Preferred Pet Pronouns

The lady handing out chips and salsa samples at Costco couldn’t keep up. The man giving out “vegan bites” was literally barking at people just to get them to look his way.

It’s little things like this that give you hope.

And then you see the woman, presumably, in yoga pants, sized Special Order, stereotypically purple hair, gigantic tits resting on the hand rail of her cart, wheeling around a literal cake, a 24-pack of Coca-Cola, and a bag of “healthy weight” dog food.

In related news, pet obesity is the highest on record, sales of pet depression medication are on the rise, pet hair dye has a $3 billion market value, and pet gender dysphoria was the sixty-fifth most searched term on Google.

Hope: lost.

Moving the Graduation Goalposts

The New Mexico state House voted to cut high school graduation requirements from 24 credits to 22.

Except they didn’t, according to a couple of intellectually impenetrable Twitter warriors who wield a wicked rhetorical combo of “read the damn bill” and “I can tell you’ve never taught in the classroom.”

“They aren’t lowering standards,” they say. And, “You obviously hate teachers.”

The bill has bipartisan support, proving the hopelessness of the state’s public education system.

So what does New Mexico’s booming abortion tourism industry have to do with it?

Everything.

Despite a majority Hispanic and predominantly Catholic populace, New Mexicans voted last year to retain their up-to-birth abortion advocate, Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham. Abuela’s apparently tired of raising the babies of her unwed grandkids, religious faith be damned.

Lowering graduation requirements is just another example of New Mexicans accepting mediocrity. If spending more per student than private school tuition can’t get Timmy to graduation, cutting credits might.

Twenty years ago, the base teacher salary in New Mexico was $24,000. The high school graduation rate was 65%. In 2023, the base teacher salary is $50,000 with a 71% graduation rate, 9 percentage point increase for a mere 105% salary increase.

And that’s why the state is lowering graduation requirements. To push New Mexico from last place to the middle of the pack would require another 175% raise, to $87,500. For babysitting.