Satire

I Am a ‘Stay-At-Home Mom’ Feminist

I am on vacation.

I’m not at Disney (too many groomers) or a waterpark (too many leg tattoos), I’m having “stay-cation” – which means that I’m spending 16 hours a day trying to entertain my children who are in between the end of school and the beginning of summer camp.

Here’s a dirty little secret for all of you childless millennials – if you’re a parent, there is no such thing as “vacation”. Work is your vacation from real life. Work is your opportunity to escape the self-sacrifice and your opportunity to be an individual around other adults; doing adult stuff, talking about adult stuff.

Work is hard. Not working and being a full-time parent is harder.

This brings me to the subject of today’s blog – respect for stay-at-home moms. Now before you get your hopes up – no, this is not one of my “MILF blogs”. Well, not a MILF blog in the traditional Flappr-sense, anyways.

Flappr MILF-Blog Enthusiast, Matthew, is very disappointed.

I usually bring you stories of MILF-Inspired heroism, but no – this is an “I’ve spent the last week being a stay-at-home Dad and holy shit, how does my wife do this every day” blog.

Seriously, kids are nuts. They have no chill. When they’re little, like mine are, they still want to be around you at all times. They want something from you at all times. They fight with each other over stupid shit (just let your sister use the Dinosaur fork, Bart Jr.) and require you to be judge, jury and disciplinarian.

For example: In the 45 minutes I’ve spent writing this blog, they have interrupted me no less than 8 times for emergencies such as: “I’m bored”, “Can I have a snack”, “He drew on me with a sharpie”, “What does opposite mean”, “I need a brain break” and “I can’t find my Beyblades“.

Pictured: Mrs. Bart reading this and laughing her ass off.

Sure, you can throw them an iPad and let YouTube raise your kids – but that seems like surefire way to ensure your kids reject their God-given gender and embrace Marxism. My wife doesn’t allow iPads outside of very long car rides, airplane trips, or restaurant trips as a last resort. I think that’s the right move, as I really don’t want my son to chop his pecker off because he stumbled onto TikTok.

Yes, these “vacation” weeks make me appreciate my wife more. She works part-time, but is a full-time mom. What makes me feel overwhelmed – she deals with on a daily basis and does so with only minimal complaining. Yes, this is an indictment of me.

To the Mom Group Chat: “one week at home and this mofo is about to lose his shit, lol”

She’s (more or less) a stay-at-home mom and I’m very lucky that she was willing to sacrifice of herself to make sure that one of us was raising OUR kids.

This wasn’t a decision she came to lightly – she’s in her thirties, has multiple degrees and, like all women in the past 30 years, she was raised in a culture where the concept of the “homemaker” was looked at with derision (thanks, second- and third-wave feminism!). The absorption of the idea that “just being a mom” was something akin to failure is, in my opinion, among the biggest reasons we find ourselves in the midst of cultural decay.

I think this video does a good job of explaining how “stay-at-home mom” became a four-letter-word:

Here’s a little dose of reality: going to work and outsourcing much of your parenting responsibilities to daycare and after-school programs is easier than being a full-time mom. I think a lot of “career women” know but cannot admit this essential truth – lest they risk dismantling all the “progress” made by feminism.

Pictured: The “Progress” made by feminism.

Think about it, what’s easier – going into an office, drinking coffee with your fellow girl bosses, coming home to an empty house, drinking wine, and popping SSRIs while you swipe on Bumble OR staying at home, wiping asses, chasing children, answering stupid questions, cleaning and fixing healthy meals that these little ungrateful fuckers will refuse to eat?

The first one is easier, in case you’re a stupid person.

I’ll leave you with this – if you are so lucky to be able to have a “stay-at-home” mom in your life, make sure she feels appreciated. Your kids need their mom and your stay-at-home mom is making the biggest and most important sacrifice you can ask of her.

Fellas,,,, take the Schlessinger Pill and become “stay-at-home mom” feminists.

God Bless America.


Cross-posted from Flappr: Keep the Faith, Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

1 reply »

  1. Should children arrive the partnership that created them now moves to a different place. Early days they need an excess of attention and really somebody needs to be around that actually cares about them. At a later point, the need for that attention reduces. Send them outside to see what mischief they can create. The roles set for parents were established by nature long ago, she won’t be fooled easily nor without cost.

    One day not so far away, those days will be remembered fondly. Joy in the children is forever.

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